Life's like a battery - sometimes charged but only half positive
A few months ago I stumbled upon a 3 minute video clip during mindless internet wandering. I’ve watched more video clips in the last few years than I wish to admit. Nevertheless, in a rare moment of clarity, I actually focused my full attention on this one.
It was Tony Robins talking about positive mental focus.
Sure, Tony can be captivating, but I wouldn’t call myself a huge fan. Yes, I appreciate his message and powerful presence, but you won’t find me signing up for any of his events. So don’t get my wrong… I like him, I just don’t always resonate with everything he shares. In fact, the title and first bit of the video clip put me off, but I continued to listen deeply. There was something that pulled me in.
At the time I was feeling a bit lost. I’d been feeling that way for months. I was overwhelmed by self-inflicted pressures, insecure thinking, and what I’d come to accept as just another ordinary existential crisis. I was feeling unsure of my life’s purpose and self-conscious of my impending call to fatherhood. I was, in a word, stressed.
Through understanding Mind, Thought, and Consciousness I knew that stress wasn’t coming from anywhere in my life circumstances. I knew the source of stress wasn’t in my work. It wasn’t due to health issues. It wasn’t due to my 9-month pregnant wife. The stress was only a result from my own perception - my attitude.
I knew I was 100% entirely responsible for the blasé state that seemed to have consumed me for… years, but I simply couldn’t shake the funk!
Somehow this Tony Robins clip found an opening in my stubborn state of mind.
The clip was ultimately a challenge to “live life without one negative thought for seven straight days.”
Seven days without negativity!? “Whoa, whoa, whoa… IMPOSSIBLE,” I thought.
(Geez, I really was filled with negativity.)
But then Tony clarified. “It doesn’t mean you don’t have a negative thought. It just means that if you have a negative thought, you don’t speak it. You set it aside. You forget about it…”
The goal was to rewire the attitude.
Restructure patterns and circuitry.
Have a mindset shift.
My mind settled. “Okay then… I could get behind this. In fact I need this.”
Tony further explained that if at any point in during the 7 days negativity was expressed, I had to start back at day one. It had to be 7… days… straight.
My wife who was sitting beside me as I intently listened to Tony, heard me audibly announce, “I’m doing this!”
She seemed doubtful, yet relieved. If there was one person who wanted me to shake the BLAH and reconnect with purpose it was her.
I was committed, but not super hopeful.
It was September 28th, 2022. With a baby just a couple weeks out, I thought there was no better time to reboot the ‘ol state ‘o mind and step into the man I wanted to be - the man I knew I was, only obscured by layers of shitty-thinking.
A couple days in, I was cruising in the positive vibes when… I lost my cool. I got frustrated with… who the heck cares or even remembers… and resorted back to negative programming. UGH. I shook it off and gave it another go the next day.
I made it another few days and then… blah. Whining, moaning, I blew it, again. Back to square one.
I realllly wanted to complete this 7 day challenge before the baby came (of course, we had no idea when that was going to be!) so I gave it another go. I forget how many days I made it that time, but failed. This time I didn’t even acknowledge or announce my failure, but just quietly slid back into the negative, impatient, and uninspired programming.
The baby came October 13th. Of course there was a resurgence of purpose (fatherhood!), fresh life, and loving vibes. But needless to say, life got kinda chaotic. Family. Lack of sleep. Poop. Crying. Ya… my mind was not eager to take on any sort of “positivity challenge.” I was yet again content in my self-loathing.
Fast-forward about 6 weeks or so. I was finding the rhythm (sort of, but not really) with fatherhood and celebrating my 35th birthday. Everything seemed just a tad more clear for a moment when I decided to give this 7-day challenge another go. Starting on my Birthday made it kinda easy because… well, it’s easy to turn towards positivity when celebrating your life… kinda??? The truth is I had plenty of insecure thoughts around where I “should be” after 35 years, but I let those go, unwrapped some gifts, and ate vegan carrot cake with my loving wife and precious baby girl.
Day 1 of my 36th year was my new starting point for the 7-day positivity challenge.
As I progressed through the days this time around, I didn’t want to think too much about it. I didn’t want to celebrate “another day in the books.” I didn’t want to jinx myself. I wanted the positivity to come easily, naturally, without effort or force.
But the days weren’t easy. I was struggling with some knee pain (TMS), there was tons of restless crying baby time, my brand new birthday/early Christmas present broke… Looking back, the list of things I could have whined about and reasons to just throw in the towel was pretty endless.
But holy shit, I made it.
However… I decided I needed to go an extra day because my Birthday didn’t really count… it was too easy. 😏
So, yesterday, day 8, we had to replace our washer and dryer. (life note: it’s super helpful to have a fully functional washer and dryer with a new baby.) The new machine arrived. I paid a little extra for proper installation and haul-away. I knew this is where I could really likely lose my cool with my history of impatience and frustration around not knowing precisely how to do things - (ugh perfectionistic idealism!). The guys came with the new machine, hooked it all up, but then found it DIDN’T FIT in the tight little spot the old stackable unit was in. It was about an inch too high, bumping into a shelf above the unit. So, I very cooly and calmly escorted the gentlemen out, confident I was able to reinstall the shelf an inch higher to make room for the new machine. RRrrriiieee, Rreeeeeiiii (those are the sound of power tools) - voila. New shelf.
I then went to slide the new washer and dryer into the closet… THUD. It hit the wall, still sticking out into the door jam about an inch. Shit. It was also an inch too deep! I kept my cool, pulled the unit back out, and assessed the situation. Hm. I figured it might be possible but the hoses and pipes needed to be perfectly situated to get the machine flush against the back wall. I wasn’t hopeful. But I had no choice but to just try again. I patiently slid the unit back into the closet. URrrrgg. Urrrrrrrg. One more shove! Thud! This thud was a good thud! Falling right into place past the door jam.
I did it! And I did it without expressing the negative thoughts swirling in my head. I let those angry, frustrated, overwhelmed thoughts flow right on through and perfectly installed our new washer and dryer.
Day 8 was definitely a little “final exam” and I feel super happy to have passed it. 🤓
I’m writing this on my 9th straight day of “positivity” and still going strong.
Susanna always says, “Don’t stop! Keep going! I like this Ben.”
I do, too!
You may think this little anecdote is silly and cheesy. Or maybe, like me, you’re thinking that “just being positive” is inauthentic and potentially detrimental to the soul through a “spiritual bypass.”
I’m here to share the insight that “being positive” does not mean that you don’t “feel negative.” Physical world reality is dualistic - darkness and light, good and evil, happy and sad. However, the negative feelings I so often felt and expressed were just a result of a bad habit. Focusing on angry and impatient thoughts reliably brought me into the negative mindset I grew accustomed to.
I’m happy to report that I still fully feel and acknowledge the “negative” thoughts that will undoubtedly persist through this human experience. But, regardless of how satisfying it may feel for the ego, I don’t build my story and identity around them.
I knew that regenerating taste buds over 7-10 days to reset eating habits was entirely possible - I witness it in myself and countless others 4 times per year (in the Alter Health Cleanse). However, I had no clue that such ingrained thought patterns and belief systems could be broken in just as brief a time. It does make sense though given what we know about neuroscience.
If the most stubborn person (me) can let go of a life-long addiction to self-sabotage, I’m fully confident that ANYTHING is possible for the rest of the world. 😉